Tyler Ryan 9-18-91 to 4-28-10
A boy in our community took his life last week. The service celebrating his brief life was held yesterday at the Fenn School.
For me, the best way to sift through my emotions is to write my thoughts down. I hope in sharing my thoughts I do not offend anyone. In fact, what I hope, is that my words might create some hope where hope has been stalled.
I did not know Tyler, but my son, several high school kids and the CCHS football team have been affected by this trajedy and in turn so have I. I have learned Tyler touched many hearts in his short time here with us and has done so while carrying a heavy and emotional heart himself. In astounding numbers, adults and children, came to pay their respects over the last few days.
It’s really impossible to make sense of this. While I continued to go over and over in my mind why this happened and what went wrong and why couldn’t he reach out, a qoute popped into my mind. I found this quote in the home of a relative, thumb tacked to a wall. Here is the qoute: “To understand is to stand under, which is to look up, to which is a good way to understand” Now, maybe this qoute was simply written to get youngsters to look up to their elders, but what I see is that understanding requires many perspectives and even then, understanding, may be just a viscious cirlce, going around and around and around. In regards to Tyler that is exactly what is happening in my head. I have to halt it! I have to stop this viscious cycle!
Halting the viscious circle required looking into the thoughts expressed at the service and trying to find a common denominator in Tyler’s life. The thread he seemed to weave into the lives of all who knew him was empathy. He had an empathetic heart for everyone; his family, his friends, his classmates, his teachers, his teamates and his community. Abundant empathy, this was expressed over and over. Abundant empathy; A blessing and a burden? For those who reap the benefits of empathy this is a blessing but for those who carry this great gift, whose hearts, beat after beat offer empathy, perhaps a burden. Empathy is a great gift and it is what makes us human. It’s why we reach out to others and offer our support and love. To halt the spinning and the senseless questions in my mind, I will take with me, on my journey in life, from Tyler, “empathy”. Empathy is a path of humanity, bravery and compassion; where our hearts spill with emotion for what we know to be difficult. May we all walk this path as we head forward on our journeys.
In closing of the service yesterday, Reverend Lombard asked everyone to take what was good in Tyler and nurture it within themselves. This is a good way to heal. Anyone who has lost a loved one or who has suffered a broken relationship would do well for themselves to heed this advice. If you can take the essense of someone who has made an impression in your life and shape it and form it into who you are that person will always be a part of you. That person who you have lost can reside and walk with you whether or not they are “there”.
You are all in my toughts as we move forward.
And the Harley Dude himself-
